The Sugarcats Mewsletter

Sugarcats Mewsletter recently spoke with the Colonel, a true politician at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary, who is running for President of the United States on the Best Friends ticket.

Hello, Colonel, tell us about Best Friends.

Certainly. Best Friends Animal Sanctuary is the largest refuge in the United States for abused and abandoned animals, and it's MY home--for now. It is a non-profit organization that, although has no formal affiliation with other animal welfare groups, works with other shelters and groups for the benefit of animals. Humans from across the country can make donations to Best Friends, which goes toward the care of animals like me. Right now, we have some 170,000 members who include volunteers, contributors, supporting members, and people who sponsor animals at the Sanctuary.

How did Best Friends get its start?

Best Friends was established about 15 years ago by a group of humans concerned about not only the neglected and abused animals, but also about the millions of healthy animals that are destroyed every year at shelters, simply because they had no home. So this group of humans raised the funds to buy a large ranch in southern Utah, near the Grand Canyon, and turned it into a sanctuary for animals.

Most of the animals that come to Best Friends stay here just long enough to recover from physical or emotional abuse. Then they are adopted into good homes. Those that aren't adopted have a caring home at Best Friends for life.

What kinds of animals does Best Friends take in, and how many animals can it make a home for?

Best Friends has room for about 1,800 animals. Currently, there are about 650 cats at the sanctuary. You know, we cats and dogs have our disagreements sometimes, but dogs need a home too; therefore, Best Friends cares for some 650 dogs, along with horses, sheep, rabbits, and birds.

It's important to know that, at Best Friends, the cats and dogs do not live in cages. We have large, comfortable quarters. Cats have spacious indoor rooms and screened-in porches; dogs have indoor rooms, too, and outdoor runs for fresh air and exercise.

We understand that Best Friends has facilities for animals with special needs.

Yes, indeed. We have a place called Old Friends, where elderly dogs can get the special attention they need without the bother of rambunctious pups. And there's Benton's Room for cats with disabilities--some may have trouble walking or have skin conditions or have difficulty making it to the litter box--but they all get very good care from the staff and volunteers. Often very kind, patient humans adopt these special animals.

I live at WildCats Village. It's a great big place for ferals--cats that have lived outdoors on their own and never knew humans. Our Village has lots of cubbyholes and ceiling catwalks, so those of us who prefer to be alone can get away from it all. While living at Wildcats, we get the chance to know good humans. Some of us begin to like and trust the humans who take care of us and, eventually, are adopted out.

Tell us about your No More Homeless Pets campaign.

The humans at Best Friends believe that perfectly wonderful animals should have good homes. They believe that no animal should be killed because there is no one to adopt them. No More Homeless Pets is an awareness program that promotes spaying and neutering, adoptions, and offers education programs, and works with the communities across the country to end the killing of homeless shelter animals.

Best Friends has begun a campaign, with the cooperation of rescue groups, humane societies, and city and county animal control departments, to make Utah the first no-kill state. They hope to end the killing of homeless shelter animals by the end of 2005. Best Friends encourages humans to adopt animals from shelters, and to spay or neuter their pets.

I've been fixed, and I'm a much better cat! No more brawls, no more dangerous womanizing, and I haven't lost my boyish figure either.

Colonel, now that you've introduced the subject of your personal life, let's turn to your candidacy. What motivated you to run for President?

One of my Sugarcats special agents was sniffing around the rose garden at the White House when he suddenly bumped noses with Socks, the First Family's feline, who was posing for pictures. When I heard about this, I decided that a cat could do better than act as a prop for a White House lawn photo-op. It was time to put a litter box and a scratching post--and a cat, of course-- in the Oval Office.

What do you hope to accomplish should you be elected President?

My vision, of course, coincides with the No More Homeless Pets campaign. I
will offer this nation a new deal for dogs and cats--a great society, if you will, for pets.

Of course, I'm interested in other things too, for example, a war on fleas, increased funding to find a cure for chronic ear mites, and free prescription catnip.

Tell us about your running mate on the Best Friends ticket. I'm surprised that you chose a dog as your partner.

Yes, but so have a lot of other presidential nominees. Ha, ha. Just a little political humor.

But seriously, Best Friends is the party of inclusivity. Every animal is welcome. We exclude no one. We are truly the big tent, which is not to be confused with the Big Top--that's something else altogether.

Colonel, I wonder, you are so open with your opinions, exactly where do you stand on the vet?

You've hit on something where reasonable cats can disagree. I have a very distinguished colleague who likes to stand on the vet's arm, sinking her front claws into the good doctor's prying hand and mooning him simultaneously.

Another colleague, again a cat of impeccable credentials, prefers to crouch, rather than stand as such, on the vet's back. It's amazing how long he can cling there, while the vet whirls and twirls, shrieking for help.

I prefer to sit serenely on the silver table as the vet walks into the exam room, purr softly as the thermometer is unsheathed and, quick as a flash, leap on top of the vet's head. And that's where I stand on the vet.

Colonel, some of your detractors are charging that you have a very thin resume. In fact, they say you hardly have a resume at all.

That's easy to explain. My running mate ate it.

There are those who accuse you of favoring the right wing. How do you respond?

Actually, I like the right wing. I like the left wing, too, but I'd rather put aside my youthful indiscretions in the henhouse and look toward the future.

In closing, let me toss you a couple of softballs. What's the best part of campaigning?

Clawing my way to the top.

And the worst part?

The four Rottweiller bodyguards.

Lastly, Colonel, what do you consider your biggest challenge?

Extending suffrage to animals by November 7.

Thank you, Colonel.

My pleasure. Got milk?

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